Has this been One Wild DECADE or What???
(& How to END it POWERFULLY so you can Freely Create the NEXT One)
First let’s have a BIG Shout Out: WHOOOOOOOOOOHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!
Why? Wellllllll … coz’ … We are still here! And since we are still here, we can complete our past and create our future … and THAT can be so FREEING if we are willing!
This sure wasn’t the first decade I have lived through … I have been blessed to live through quite a few by now. LOL. But this 10-year cycle has certainly provided a space for more intense evolution than any other I remember. As I spend time with people, and review this decade with clients, I don’t think I am the only one who feels that way. Just saying …
I normally make a real celebration of ending and beginning each year; however, it occurs to me that 2019 was the ending of a 10-year cycle, a grand finale, vs just another standalone year.
As I look back, I see so many things that got started back in 2010 (or that may have been started earlier but really came into focus around 2010, that in some way came full circle and got resolved over the course of this decade, many of them coming to a crescendo in 2019. It is as if the Universe made sure that everything got to rise up that needed to rise up … culminating in me having the opportunity to see, investigate, face into the and transform things from a lifetime.
So, I am busy completing my DECADE and am sharing my process so that You too can either use my process or at least take what serves you from it and use it as part of your own unique process. Here are the basics:
- Go to the facts: Acknowledge what I did & what I didn’t do
- Find and Celebrate my accomplishments
- File away the lessons I got
- Be grateful
- Release it ALL
- Create what’s NEXT
Let’s Break it down, now step at a time!
FACTUALLY ACKNOWLEDGE WHAT WE DID & DIDN’T DO
This is very simple when you use facts as the beginning point. Facts are facts. Facts have NO emotion to them (no guilt, blame, shame, etc.). They have NO interpretations to add (we add that to them AFTER the fact).
EXAMPLE of FACTS: I did not backpack around the world for a year. I traveled to Italy, Bolivia, Jamaica, Italy, Hawaii, Barcelona, Bali, San Francisco, New York. I did not save $1M. I did start new investments in stocks and cryptocurrencies. I moved into a condo right on the Atlantic Ocean. I lived with others. I lived alone. I co-owned a company. I dissolved a company. I started another new company. I gained clients. I lost clients. I earned money. I spent money. I became vegan. I stopped drinking. My dogs, Butch and Bella, went over the Rainbow bridge. A new dog, Grace, came into my life. I turned 60. I painted. I wrote poetry. I bought a new Nikon and took up photography again. I emptied out 2 storage units filled with generations of family items. I minimized all the possessions in my home down to ¼. I traded in a Miata, leased a Lexus, and leased a Fiat Spider. The list can go on & on … just the facts.
EXAMPLE of NON-FACTS: All the thoughts, feelings and interpretations I had about each of those facts and people, things and life in general. For example, all the woulda’, coulda’, shoulda things like: That was a horrible decision. I so messed up on that. That was such a waste of my time. I was a loser, I screwed up _____________, I made no progress, I lost everything, etc.
FIND & CELEBRATE OUR ACCOMPLISHMENTS
This is where I am going to spend a lot more time than any other step! I think this is a Critical Step that we mostly forget! Notice that, unlike the facts above, we get to say what our accomplishments are … it is an accomplishment if and because we say it is. No one else can take our accomplishments away from us. We get to say!
One thing I have noticed about our journey as human beings is that we mostly are NOT born into environments that encourage us to celebrate ourselves. Not only that, but we are NOT necessarily taught that along the way either. Frankly, what we are mostly trained in is Blame, Shame and Guilt … all leading to making ourselves wrong and beating ourselves up.
As we hit the end of the Decade, I know I can trust you to completely come up with a thick list of what-went-wrong, what-you-did-wrong, what-you-didn’t-do, what-you-should-have-done, etc. That is the water we normally swim in as each year comes to an end … the woulda’, shoulda’, coulda’ world. YUCK! Celebrate yourself? I can hear the chorus of, “You gotta’ be kidding, Kym!” Nop, I’m not kidding!
By the way, I am not saying it is not important to learn from the decade that has just flown by… I clearly have getting our lessons as part of the process. However, our tendency is to just use everything that did and didn’t happen the way we thought it should have (or someone else thought it should have) to beat up on ourselves doesn’t provide us with much of a constructive lesson. Just more blame, shame, guilt … so, let’s not!
Instead, I think it is time for a dose of something different … something that may take a little work it is so different. How about, as you reflect on the decade, you ask yourself one question that will enable you to celebrate yourself? This question will allow you to see what you did right. Whatttttttttt? That’s right … looking for what you did right … and use it to CELEBRATE YOU!!!
So often, in our search for all that we did wrong, we skip the important lessons buried in what we did RIGHT. In not taking the time to find them and acknowledge those lessons then chances are they pass us by, and we possibly even stop doing and creating what really worked. Not a good move. We may have been forging some good foundations, but we toss it all out in not recognizing that the trajectory was good. We don’t need to toss those things out … what we may need to do instead is: keep doing them, do more of them and take them to a new level.
So I am going to give you a the new question you can ask yourself to prompt your what-did-I-do-wrong-seeking brain in a new direction. You may have to dig some. You may need to shut your old brain patterns down some, as they tell you that “this is not the way to do it … you need to find things we did wrong”. It is OK to ignore those voices in your head and simply build some new patterns.
I suggest you write out the answers to this question first. The process of writing stimulates your brain in a particular way that lends to critical thinking, conceptual development and memory recall. All of that is important for the process we are going to use.
Ready?????? Here is the simple, new question to ask yourself:
WHAT WAS GOOD ABOUT the past DECADE???????
Yep, I said simple. Any resistance you feel or naysaying your critic brain is doing right now is just a cover up to sabotage you from doing this work. Push forward. Go hunting. Seriously, go looking … I swear there were things that were good that you can find!
Try not to let this become a size thing or a judgement thing. “Kinda’ Good”, “Good” and “Really Good” all include “Good” and therefore are all Good. Your brain will just use that type of judgement to weed things out (i.e. “That wasn’t good enough” so don’t list it.).
It can be ANYTHING … Open up your Creativity here! Perhaps you:
- Altered your thought process about something or someone (go ahead admit it to yourself … you don’t even need to tell anyone else – for example: when you realized that you no longer needed to tolerate something or when you stopped being afraid of something or someone).
- Began or Ended something that needed to be started or completed (Projects, Business, Relationships, etc. Either way it could be an accomplishment, since, in Life ending things is NOT always a bad thing … some things need to end so we can move on)
- Formed or strengthened relationships with YOURSELF or others (either individually or as part of a community, either in person or on-line … creating and strengthening external relationships is usually a response to altering our relationship to our SELF)
The fabulous thing about being a human is that we are holistic, in that each and every area of our life impacts our whole life somehow. No matter how much it may seem like areas in your life (business, career, family, friends, romance, fun, wellness, spirituality, etc.) are separate… they are connected. So, look not just for good things in every area of your life.
Consider, also, that even things that may not have seemed to go well in the moment may have had a good result or could have provided an opportunity for something good in the long run if you are open to looking at it differently. Hindsight is a great set of glasses to look through IF you can use it to see something good vs. beat yourself up. So many things in the past Decade seemed really terrible in the moment but, later I could see that had they not happened as they happened, then I would not have had access to other amazing things or people that followed.
For example: Did you end a major relationship, or have a health/wellness challenge? What could have been good about any of those things? An ended relationship could have made room for something or someone new or just the chance to be alone and grow. A health challenge may have given you a new appreciation for being alive and maybe a new level of commitment to taking care of yourself.
This is not about being a Pollyanna … it is simply about choosing to view life in a particular way to find something useful in it. We find what we are looking for. Let me repeat that: We find what we are looking for!!!! If we are looking for “bad” things our brain will filter out “good” things and even contextualize everything as “bad”. The reverse is true if we are looking for “good” things.
Bottom line is that, if we look intentionally and mindfully, there is always something good (and I assert multiple good things) we can celebrate over a full year and decade of our life. Give yourself the gift of taking some time for you, opening up the search for good things and free up yourself so that good things bubble up to the surface. List them out for yourself. Once you start you may be surprised how each good thing you discover pulls up more things and it becomes easier.
Once you have your list then use it. For what you ask? TO CELEBRATE!!! Read your list out loud and clap and shout. Find an app for your phone that has applause sounds and play it for each item. Congratulate yourself !!! Do it in the mirror or in a video camera if you want to have a bigger impact. Really take in the acknowledgement of your accomplishments.
You can even take it a step further by creating something with it! Make a visual, auditory or performance piece out of it. The point? You want to be able to come back and review it throughout 2020 and the next DECADE. When you feel stuck, or things may not be going the way you want, then you want to remind yourself about the things that went well in this past DECADE to motivate and inspire you onward.
FILE AWAY THE LESSONS WE GOT
What is a lesson? Lessons are interesting. Just like accomplishments … we get to say what a lesson is for us. We clever humans may see one lesson out of something at one point in time and then a whole new lesson or layer of the lesson at another time. I personally think, when I finally boil things down, that my accomplishments are where my lessons final lessons live.
Here are some examples of Lessons I got from the Decade that I am filing away for future reference:
- I learned to Honor, Nurture and Celebrate me at a whole new level.
- I learned to discern the voice of, listen to and Trust my Higher Self above others and particularly above my own insidious human brain patterns.
- I came to know that the Universe really DOES have my Back in all things.
- I realized that Freedom and Joy are completely mine to create, whenever I want, no matter what (along with any other emotion or way of being I want such as happiness, security, peacefulness, abundance, etc.).
- I learned that being Alone is distinct from being lonely and that I can enjoy and flourish being alone.
- I learned that I do not need to Escape from but rather allow for and embrace my Humanness.
Notice that after I saw my accomplishments, the lessons took a turn in the direction of the lessons that can serve me vs. some old group of “OMG, I will NEVER, EVER, EVER do that AGAIN!” kind of a lesson. For example: a relationship ended, and I did not file away to NOT ever be in another relationship. What I filed away instead was to Honor Myself and Trust my HigherSelf no matter what coz’ if I do that then I will end up with what is Divine perfection for me whether it is being in a relationship or not.
BE GRATEFUL FOR IT ALL
For ALL of it! ALL, ALL, ALL of it! Did I say ALL???? … Yep, coz’ it ALL is part of me and who I am today, and I have no idea where it all leads but I can be Grateful for each lesson along the way. It is a Journey. Progress vs. Perfection each step. It is like: Went left… oops dead end… OK be Grateful that I found out … turned around and went right… be Grateful for what showed up by going right.
RELEASE IT ALL
Seems I like that word, “ALL” right? I just know that we are so tempted to throw things out or keep things, inside of our judgements about them. Why pick & choose? Why think some are better than the rest or visa versa? WHO is even doing the judging (CLUE: it could be that those brain patterns in your head that run your show and are picking and choosing and ARE NOT your HigherSelf).
So back to “ALL”. Don’t we want to keep the “good” stuff? I think what there is to do is to file away the lessons and then LET the situations, circumstances, moments, etc. GO. It is all actually already in the past. Anything we hang onto is like keeping the past in your present and the temptation is to use it to taint our future. Why would we create a future based on our past??? Don’t we want to be open to creating a NEW future??? Let’s just draw a line in the sand and Leave it Back There.
Besides, when you think about it … there is nothing from the past that can be applied identically to anything in the present or the future. It is mostly irrelevant. Bottom line: Using the past to create your future is limiting no matter what.
If we get real about it, we did what we did and we didn’t do what we didn’t. Others’ did what they did and didn’t do too and that is that. O, and Life … well life keeps on life-ing. Next!
How do we release the past? First, we need to get that we choose to hang onto it or not. No one or nothing forces us to cling onto it, repeat the stories over and over to ourselves and/or use it as a weapon against ourselves. The facts happened and we cannot change them, and the rest is in our control. We are either willing to get the lessons and let it go or not.
Holding on is such a weird human trick. Holding on is like walking around with weights strapped to you. Holding on occupies your hands so that you cannot reach for anything new. Holding on secures the same old past but blocks any new future. Do you really want to hold onto the past anymore? Didn’t it already have it’s way with you once? Wasn’t that enough? Do you really want to keep dragging it along with you long after it is past? LET THAT STUFF GO!!!
“Letting go gives us freedom and freedom is the only condition for happiness.” ~ Thich Nhat Hanh
My plan is to release things . My ritual may be a little too WooWoo for some of you so I put it at the bottom of this post and you can just skip reading it if energetic/spiritual rituals aren’t your jam. It is not HOW you do it that counts, it is DOING it somehow! You can release yours in a way that makes sense to you … but just know that YOU can release it yourself … it is actually in a declaration that it happens because you get to say when you are done with something/anything. It really is a matter of you LETTING IT GO! FREE YOURSELF UP FROM IT!
CREATE WHAT’S NEXT
What’s NEXT? Once you have fully celebrated your accomplishments from the decade then in that space of celebration you can the next decade! What do you use to do that? So glad you asked! Let’s keep this streamlined too! Let’s just ask two questions:
What do you want more of in the upcoming decade?
What do you want that is new in the upcoming decade?
Again … this list can be related to your whole life since everything is connected! Let that list be as long and outrageous seeming as you want. Remember that there were things went well in the past decade (and you now have a list to prove it). The upcoming decade has an even better chance of being filled with the things you want if you will start by saying what you want!
Do some of the new things you want sound too outrageous, for now? You notice they are getting labeled that way by the voices in your head which may get VERY loud telling you things like, “That’s impossible”, “You can’t possibly do that.”, or worse yet, “You don’t deserve that”. Please, tell those voices to Shut Up (over & over if you need to). They are just old brain patterns trying to limit you.
Notice, I didn’t ask you to make any resolutions or to make a game plan with what all you had to do in order to get those things you want? That’s right. Will you need to make some action plans and be accountable to produce those actions to really get what you want? Yes! Actions = Results! But, don’t let that interfere right now. We will come back to making action plans in January.
Right now, your job is just to make the list. Let yourself get inspired, motivated and turned on by what you want in the next Decade. No naysaying allowed. Remind yourself of all the good things that happened in the past decade. You can have a next decade of Good things too!
Once your list is done for now (make it a Work-In-Progress that you can modify and add to later) then celebrate it too. Read through it. Enjoy it. Make it into something Visual or Auditory if you want with any medium that you want (Vision Board, Photo collage, Audio recording, Video, etc.). Have it become a creation, beyond the list, where you can use it to remind you and inspire you through 2030.
Next blog post I will talk about making those things you want for the next decade a reality. Until then let yourself keep celebrating your accomplishments, be grateful to be here now and keep adding to your next decade list!
Ending on a personal note: I am Grateful for each of YOU out there in the world! Thank YOU! Please know YOU make a difference! I wish you an AMAZING beginning to 2020 and YOUR NEXT DECADE!
KYM’S DECADE RELEASING RITUAL
I love rituals, it is like a physical 3-D demonstration for a spiritual/energetic act to me. I also am a very simple woman, so I do not complicate it much. I think it is about the intention vs. a right or wrong way to release. For those of you who like rituals and believe in energetic demonstrations, here is my release ritual. Feel free to adapt it to fit you (for example: Universe for you might be Source, HigherSelf, God, Goddess, Ultimate Truth, etc. or if there are specific things you want to mention letting go of then make a list vs. simply using the “2010 – 2019” I place on my sheet of paper.)
My ritual is planned as part of my New Years’ Eve Celebration but you can do it ANYTIME. I will:
- Be outside, feet on the ground, under the sky.
- Have a piece of paper with “2010 – 2019” written on it in a little shell that I use for sage, incense, etc. and a lighter
- Light the piece of paper, in the shell, and as it is burning off into the air
- Declare out loud into the Universe, “Thank you Universe for all that this decade has given me. I am grateful for every moment and every lesson from every moment and no longer need to hang onto anything from 2010-2019 as it no longer serves me. I now send the entire decade back out to you and release it. For the Good of All.”
And with that said I let it smolder out and I AM DONE. Time to feel the new lightness and start living without it all as I have LET IT GO!